The Little Red Riding Hood-Told By Wolf

The Little Red Riding Hood
Told By Wolf


It was an ordinary day.Scary forest,scary noises.I felt hungry but also scared.What if a rabbit would fucking jump on me and kill me in the forest.They look cute but they have rabies.That’s why they have their eyes red.Or they swam in a swimming pool full of chlorine.Nevermind.Oh!A little girl.She looks tasty.OK.Let’s get ready.
-Hello,said the little girl.By any chance do you know the shortest way to the house that my grandma lives in?
-Where is that?
-Just after the woods.
-OH!,said the wolf drooling.This is the tasty road.Aaaah!This is the short road…
I pointed to the longest road.
-Why are you drooling?Jesus fucking Christ.Crazy ass wolf.
Did she just call me crazy?!I ain’t crazy lady,I’m just hungry!OK?!
She left without even thanking me.I took the shortcut and headed to the house running like I had rabies.Which is possible.I run over the door.Fail.It was 24 inches thick.I just opened the door now.I jumped on grandma and ate her.Wow.I guess I do have rabies.
I took her clothes and dressed in them.That’s when the little girl came in.
-Hello grandma!
-(In high pitched voice)Hello cutie-pie!Did you bring the steak and the vodka.
-No.I brang chips and vodka.
-It was better with steak.
-I know.But mom would let me bring it.
-Come here.
-Hey gramma.Did you go to work at Santa’s Workshop with those ears?
-No I got an implant.
-What about the eyes?
-Implant.
-And the mouth.
-Fucking implant.
-And the nose?
-Oh shut up!i said and I ate her.
I saw someone outside that was shooting at me.It was the hunter.He ruins the fun every time.
-Should I let them out?!
-Yes!
-Wait a minute!I said and vomited them out.Happy now?
-Yes!he said and shot me.
Everybody ate the roasted wolf and lived rabidily ever after.

The end

Ora De Chimie

Chestia asta s-a intamplat acum o saptamana si o zi,doar ca eu mi-am amintit de ea ieri in autobuz.
Vineri,zi linistita.Ora de romana fusese usoara asa ca eram in scaunele noastre si vorbeam linistiti...Vine doamna de chimie.Toata lumea in picioare.Eu ii zic ca tre sa ma duc la cabinet la 9:35 ca m-am balonat de la un pahar de Coca-Cola(Nu radeti ca e adevarat).Ma duc.Doctorul rade.Eu zic in minte:Mata.
-Ce mai este de data asta?
-M-am balonat de la Cola si simt ca explozez.
-Hai sa-ti dau o pastila.
Imi da pastila.O inghit cu apa.Simt ca vomit.Ma intorc in clasa.Imi vine sa fac No. 1.Dar stati.Doamna se duce la colegele din spate.Ia caietul uneia dintre ele si citeste
-Ce fel de amestec este pipi?
Clasa(cu mine)a inceput sa rada.Profa desteapta cum e ea raspunde la intrebare:
-Dar normal ieste omogen.
Eu:-Homogen nu?(Cu accent pe H)
Doamna:-Da
Unul din clasa:Bine ca nu e ieterogen.
Eu:Pot sa ma duc la toaleta?
Doamna:Da.
Ma intorc la 10:00.Lumea e calma.Nu se aude nimic.
10:10:Gata ora.